"...take this soul and make it sing"

yep...still here

2012-01-17T20:39:00.001-05:00

To all 3 people who used to follow this blog....I am still here. I just might start updating this blog this year!

2010-04-11T10:04:00.000-04:00

ok, real fast, i am now down 28lbs!

the shinking man

2010-03-30T14:34:00.002-04:00

Hello all! Just wanted to let you know I have lost 22 lbs! I have about 20lbs to go! All I have been doing is watching what I am eating. Next week I am going to start the P90x workouts. I got them for free so I figure, why not. I know some peoe doing it and the all say it works. We'll see what happens.

2010-02-03T17:44:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine just posted this on his blog. I have always liked Ferguson. It's great insight on our culture today.

quick update

2010-02-03T17:02:00.002-05:00

well, it's official, we are staying in Alabama a bit longer. I had a job opportunity to move back to SC but with much prayer and thought Val and I have decided to stay here. Not sure exactly why but we both feel it's the right thing for now.
We are having a boy!
Val is cool
I got a part time job as the janitor.
Starting to meet with some guys to talk about what "church" is.(entering into that one slowly)
I am now manager of the Lumber/Building Material department at Lowe's
Went back to the church we left for the first time in a year. Probably wont happen again.

"1/26/07"

2010-01-26T23:35:00.000-05:00

This was written by Valarie and myself and read by Teressa Ross at Rhemas beautiful funeral.

There are so many questions we will never have the answers to, and there are so many things we just won’t know. But one thing we do know to be true is that our Princess Rhema was here for a reason; and the many lives she touched we may never know. We are so honored that we were allowed to be her mommy and daddy for the 12 precious weeks of her purpose-filled life. God let us have a wonderful taste of his overwhelming love in the person of our Little Lady Rhema.

Rhema Evangeline means “the proclaimer of Gods Word.” We could never have dreamed such a small package could fulfill that purpose in only 12 weeks. Words could never begin to express the journey we have been on with her. Carrying for nine months and delivering only to be told that your new born daughter will never see her first birthday. Thousands of people from all over the world began praying for Rhema along side of us for healing to her little body. We soon learned of the things Rhema had taught THEM and how she has brought them closer to God then ever before. With that, we have been so blessed.

I could never begin to tell you how often we prayed to God for Rhema and her health. How could He tell us it was time to start a family, only to take her away so soon? We didn’t care if she never opened her eyes or if she would never walk, we just wanted her. But His plans are bigger than ours! And even though He decided to take her home to be with Him, miracles still happened everyday in her life and ours. These were some of those miracles:

1. Doctors told us to enjoy the few days we would have with her, but we got to enjoy 12 beautiful weeks with her.
2. The nursery told us to only tube feed Rhema because they were afraid it would go into her lungs, but she was on a bottle ever since we brought her home. I can still hear the sucking noises she used to make; like she couldn’t get enough.
3. Rhema weighed 4lbs 6oz at birth and we were told she would never gain weight. She passed away weighing 7lbs 8oz!!! Our little Porker!
4. Doctors told us that they didn’t think our little Rhema had eyes when she was born, but to our surprise and theirs’ two beautiful blue eyes waited behind those precious lashes! And even though she never opened them up, she would pull her head back when we talked to her and raise her eyebrows just to listen.

So many miracles will forever be in our memory.

Our favorite times we shared with Rhema were simple, but memorable. We looked forward to bath time every night where we would cover her in bubbles and let her toes dangle in the warm water…all 11 of them. And then after bath time she seemed to wake up a bit more and play. It was at those times daddy would steal her away and dance with her….and now she is dancing with the Father…. I could hear her laughing with him in those precious moments. She only laughed with her daddy.

At times while I was pregnant with Rhema, fear would creep in, just not knowing what was going on inside of my tummy. I remember clearly the day God spoke to me- He said, “ The baby is not yours”. I remember saying back to him- “oh yes she is”. But something changed after that day. I knew no matter what that God was going to take care of everything. Shortly after Rhema was born I was reminded of that again. God quietly said to us, “she’s not yours”. And today we hear the same thing; that Rhema truly belongs to God. And even though it doesn’t make our hearts stop hurting, we will rest in knowing that one day we’ll understand. She is so beautiful and has won the victory that we all as believers yearn for…to see that face of God. And we are so overwhelmed to know that the first time her eyes ever opened, it was to see her creator.

The Bible tells us in II Samuel that David cried out and fasted for the healing of his own son. David’s son still died. And even though God did not heal him, David immediately picked himself up, washed himself and went to the temple to worship.
No matter the pain we face or the events that happen, we will NEVER stop worshiping God; because God is STILL sovereign.

“Father, you are so beautiful. There is non that compares to You. Who can take my brokenness and make something new? Only You. You are so beautiful. You will be our song for all eternity.' 'We are left in AWE of You.' God, hold us close. Show us your love and comfort. Bring us to a new place of intimacy with you. Allow Rhema’s life to continue to radiate your love. Surly Rhema is dwelling in the house of the Lord. Watch over her for us. Hold her close in your arms. Kiss her on her cheek and tell her that her daddy and mommy will always love her.”

this is war

2009-12-18T00:14:00.000-05:00

Just got the new Thirty Second to Mars cd. Wow! It is really good! It's the first time I have pressed play and listened to the whole cd. I didn't want it to end. It kinda reminds me of a modern day worship style cd. It's similar to Hillsong United or Obed Edem it that it's a driven with constant electic gutair riffs with under tones of acustic rythem. It also has very strong spiritual content. Not in a worshipful but on a seeking what it's all about way.

yo ho ho

2009-12-11T12:07:00.004-05:00

This is my comment on a friends blog. They had some thoughts with how Xmas has become more about things then about Christ. I have had many thoughts about it since. My thoughts haven't changed on it just thinking about it.
"I was here about 3 years ago. Then I did some studying and realized "Christmas" is a cultural festival that changed through out the years keeping some traditions and adding new ones. The way I view Xmas is just that as well. My culture formed it. Weather be my parents, Christian organizations ('church'), or society. Some of that culture was based on Biblical truth (Mary Jesus, Bethlehem, etc.) some was not (Three wise men coming that night, Santa, presents, trees, lights, etc) . I looked at the way I celebrated this festival and ask myself "does it take away from the glorification God?" If it did I had to drop it. If it didn't then it was just a personal preference. When I did this I became ok with what ever everyone else did the way I am ok every other day with what ever people decide to do.

Fact is Xmas isn't a Biblical Holiday so it really doesn't matter if people celebrate it differently then I do. If anything what Holidays like this one does is bring out the true heart in people.

I love Xmas time and I celebrate the season. About the only thing I don't do is Santa and yes I will tell my kids he is not real and if they tell their friend who believe, o well. We have a xmas tree, stockings, presents, and all that fun stuff. In my opinion it doesn't take away from God.
That's my thoughts for now...

men of a certain age

2009-12-10T00:19:00.002-05:00

Good show. Good actors. I think it may become my new favorite show. These guys have always been at the top of my favorite tv actors. I think I really like the camaraderie between the characters. The way they interact with each other. They can share anything with each other, they can be idiots, they can be venerable with each other. Reminds me of myself with some of my friends. I miss them. It's been one of the hardest things about living here in Alabama. I first realized it when my wife and I went home to visit. I was standing on my friends porch with Val, my friends were trying to figure out how to but a car set in the car. I look at Val and said "I miss being around people that make me want to be a better person." We shared everything with each other. Thoughts, food, house, life, death, and much more. One day I'll be there again...

thoughts

2009-12-03T21:25:00.002-05:00

Today is the 3rd of December which marks the 9th month we have left the "church". I am sitting here at my favorite joint, Goldenfinger, reflecting on these past months. Again it amazes me to see how much Gods grace has been on us! In the moments I don't think I fully recognized it. We knew we were doing the right thing and going with what we believed to be God spirit prompting us but it's just awesome how He truly provides when you stand up for His word and make a stand! The thoughts have crepe up that we are still here and it's not where we want to be. But then I look around and see the people that God has put in our lives and wonder if they are the reasons we came here. What if he used this "church plant" to get us here to be an encouragement to the ones that are in the same place we are. What if we were sent here to be the ones to speak up and be the "controversial" ones. To say what is in all of our hearts. To say what they want to say.

I was eating lunch with some friends the other day and they asked me "when are you going to start a church?" my response was quick but I think correct. My response was it's not about Joel Sewell starting HIS ministry, it's about Gods spirit speaking to a community of believers as they gathering together, fallowing His teachings. Where all believers are moving in their gifts not just one man or a select few. A people that give to the needs of the world and all needs are met among the believers the way they were in Acts. Where the Word is dissected to know truth not to prove a point that benefits the staff.

hmmmm....my head is about to explode with curiosity!

music to my ears

2009-11-24T01:59:00.002-05:00

If you know me you know that I love music. I really enjoy acoustic singer/songwriter type music. A perfect day for me is going to a coffee house, put on my ear phones with someone like Damien Rice, Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews, playing. There is this new guy that I have found. I recognized one of his songs from somewhere but I have no clue where from. His name is Brett Dennen. He sounds similar to Paulo Nutini. There is defiantly a similar sound all through his music but I personally enjoy that. I like when someone has there own sound. Something that is missing in music today, individuality. Everyone is trying to be unique but they really just sound like everyone else. I also like that his lyrics have a purpose. Wether he is telling a story of talking something he believes in. I may not agree with some of his stance on issues he sings about but I can appreciate his cleverness in how he writes. Some lyrics you can easily intrepid in many different ways. "Preachers on the podium speaking of saints, Prophets on the sidewalk begging for change". hmmmm... interesting.

Another new albam I got today is Switchfoots new one. Haven't listened to it yet but heard it was good. Been told it's leans more toward Jon Formans (the lead singer) solo stuff with a bit of rock behind in instead of acoustic guitar.

"...Hope in the face of difficulty, hope in the face of uncertainty, the audacity of hope"

2009-11-13T14:16:00.005-05:00

A friend that moved her with us wrote this. Thought it was very telling of where we (us and them) are at after it all. If you know us you know what "it" is.

"Feels like my heart's been bruised for awhile, it's a blue deep bruise. The deep clouds hang low to me, gray, and often they linger by dimming the company with me. Around a table I gaze at the faces who long to live, long to breathe. Away from the air that's fallowed us here. A hush in our hearts leaves constant pauses of words unknown to say yet all feeling the same. But bruised we can't stay for we know that God holds another day!"

For the past 3 years it has felt like I have been living in the book of Psalms, constant up and downs. I've experenced loss, disapointment, betrayal, and borderline depression. I sat here and read this poem relating to all that was written, and I couldn't get past the "we can't stay for we know that God holds another day!". See if you know me the fact that that line is all peppy, rhymes and sounds all Christian-ease would make me cringe. Since it didn't I think its a good sign. Not that everything is over with but that there is hope. There always has been but now I and able to see a small glimmer of it. I still have a ways to go....but there is hope.

"...Hope in the face of difficulty, hope in the face of uncertainty, the audacity of hope: In the end, that is God's greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation, a belief in things not seen, a belief that there are better days ahead." President Barack Obama.

pizza kastle...wow

2009-11-08T22:52:00.004-05:00

We it that time again here in Dothan, The Peanut Festival/Fair. There is no way in hell that I would go! So instead we took Elle to "The Pizza Kastle". Now we were told this place was just like Chuckie Cheese. Well it was, just on a much smaller scale. Much Much smaller. The pizza buffet had 3 pizzas on it and they didn't replenish it till you asked them too. O, and it was cardboard pizza. It was officially the most ridicules thing I have done here so far. Next to moving here that is. At least the girls had a good time!

2009-11-04T22:46:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was Rhema's 3rd birthday so we decided to take Elle to the Zoo! It was 74 degrees, a nice breeze, and Elle was so playful! We have learned that she loves animals so much. She was so captivated by all of them, especially the Kangaroos. It was an emotional day for me personally. We went into the day focused on remembering Rhema's life and we did that all day. Then we got home, Val went to bed and I was up alone. I started reading my old blog post during the time we had her. WOW! It's amazing to look back and see how much grace God gave us to walk through it all. More then I realized. He was there when we were told about her condition. There when Val and I decided we're not going to let this tear us apart. There when we got to take her home and take care of her, put the feeding tube in daily, stimulating her to breathe again and CPR when it didn't work...daily. There when she took her last breath in her mothers arms. He provided incredible friends and family to be with us during it all. I am so aware of this yet at times He seems so distant.

On a lighter note, I saw Michael Jackson: This Is It today. It was pretty good. they guy was an awesome entertainer.

tag team back again

2009-07-12T00:21:00.002-04:00

So I am back after a long hiatus! To make a long story short we are no longer apart of "Legacy", the church we moved here to help plant. Last month was the anniversary of us moving here. We had one question we had when we moved here that we wanted to begin to answer. "What is the 'Church'?" The goal was to go on this journey with others, wipe the white board clean from all the preexisting ideas and start from the beginning. Well, it didn't really happen that way and after a year we find ourselves still searching for that answer. I wouldn't trade this year for anything though. One reason is because it has shown how important that question is. I have learned that this "journey" for the answer is really an "adventure". "One returns from a journey but one may not ever return from an adventure" (that's for you pops!)

I am going to try to blog my adventure. We'll see how it works.

αγιασμος or άγιος

2009-03-04T13:10:00.005-05:00

So from friends of mine had a "video conference/coffee" on skype this morning (those crazy high tech people). Well there discussion was about Man's role in the sanctification process. Well I thought this was neat seeing how i have been studying this on my own the past couple weeks. Here is a quote i read that i think sums it up pretty well

"God's working in us is not suspended because we work,

nor our working suspended because God works...
the relation is that because God works we work."

So because the triGod (father, son, and the Holy Spirit) brings us to him (Eph. 1:4) we are able to imitate Christ, like we are told to do in John 13 and Phil 2. and a lot of other places. We could go in so many diffrent directions but i will digress for now cause i have to get to work in 20 min. and i'm not dresed yet.

Music Monday!

2009-03-03T00:16:00.004-05:00

yes, something new i am trying to help get me blogging more regularly. On mondays i will post something about music that i am listing too. or just something that has to do with music.

Being that tomorrow my favorite band is coming out with there new album I'll start with them. U2. I have been a true fan since 01. I have every studio album and most their live albums. "Where the Streets Have No Name" is probably my favorite song. After we had our first child, Rhema, I went home after a week of being in the hospital with her(Val stayed at the hospital with Rhema) to change and shower. On my way home that song came played on my ipod. All I could think of was "wow, that where my daughter is going to be. Feeling the 'sunlight' (Gods glory) on her face, seeing that dust cloud (her deformities, Trisomy 13) disappear without a trace...." Oh, how I miss holding her in my arms, close to my chest. Letting her feel my chest rise hoping that it reminds her to breathe.

In no way did I intend this post to be about Rhema. I just paused and weeped over her for the first time in a while. I guess it needed to come out...anyways here is a video of u2.

irresistible grace

2009-02-06T23:11:00.003-05:00

So I am doing some studying about irresistible grace. Trying to take it verse by verse. so this is the verse that I am pondering lately... any thoughts? John 6:65 “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless it is granted him by the Father.” those are the words Jesus.

2009-02-04T10:53:00.003-05:00

well...I'm back. after a long hiatus I think its time to start up the blogging thing.

elle walks!

2008-09-23T18:43:00.001-04:00

she stands!

2008-08-24T13:24:00.002-04:00

good day in the "charismatic" world

2008-08-24T13:07:00.004-04:00

This is a statement from Dutch Sheets. I have listened to and set in many of his teachings. I like the guy very much. Probably for the first time in many years I have been very proud of a "charismatic" leader/ "father". You can go to www.dutchsheets.org for the original.

August 21, 2008
It has now been a couple of weeks since I heard about Todd Bentley’s plans for separation and divorce. Like everyone, I have had a variety of emotions including anger, sadness, and grief. Every time I see this scenario repeated, I grieve: for the husband and wife involved; for the family that will be scarred in so many ways; because of the incredible reproach it brings to Christ; and the distortion it gives concerning God’s heart and ways. I am praying for Todd and his family.
I was asked numerous times to write my position on Lakeland while it was happening, but always felt checked by the Lord—the waters were too muddy and emotions too high. I now feel strongly that the Lord wants me to do so. It will be arguably one of the greatest risks of my ministry to date, but one I feel must be taken. Fathers, when given the voice to do so, bear the responsibility of giving correction and wisdom. I hope mine qualifies for the latter. I assure you I have spent many hours praying and thinking through the situation.
The risks are broad: with some of my dearest friends and co-laborers, I risk harming those relationships; with many in the charismatic body of Christ, I risk appearing to be an arrogant, “self-appointed” spokesperson for them; to the “I told you so” crowd, I risk the accusation of “spinning” the situation. (As far as the heresy hunters and revival police—not those who raised legitimate questions about Lakeland, but the attack dogs who make their living and build their ministries criticizing everyone else—I lost respect for them long ago and couldn’t care less what they think.) My purpose and sincere prayer in writing this statement, however, is three-fold: to see healing begin for the body of Christ; to initiate a process that can remove the reproach brought to Christ and the Church; and to do these things while preserving and honoring my current relationships. I pray that these desires, along with my heart, come through loudly. And I hope I’m writing this with true humility—who among us clearly sees all hidden in our own hearts?
Let me also preface this statement by saying that what needs to be said cannot be done quickly or carelessly. I do not want my heart to be missed and am not willing to run that risk for the sake of brevity, so please bear with the length. (Incidentally, I think it will be obvious no one involved in the Lakeland situation has asked me to write this; and for the sake of integrity on my part, none have been consulted concerning what I’m stating.)
Mistakes at Lakeland
Did leaders handling the Lakeland situation make mistakes? Yes—huge mistakes. Beyond the obvious fruit of salvation's and heeling's, can good come from Lakeland, as some have suggested, even with the recent revelations concerning Todd Bentley? Yes, but only if there is complete honesty and transparency, the removal of all attempts at self-preservation, and absolute humility from all sides.
Did I endorse the Lakeland meetings? No, I did not, nor did I condemn them. I acknowledged that heeling's were occurring and some were being saved, which I still believe and rejoice over. I realized and stated that the thousands of people attending were hungry and sincere, as were those involved in leading the 2 meetings. The worship was regularly good. But looking past some of the immediate and positive results, I, like many, also looked ahead to the possible fruit from questionable doctrine and experiences, exaggeration and hype, youthful pride, character issues and the frightening potential of a 32 year “young” man leading a movement that could shape the future of the Church. These things were frightening, very frightening, to others and me.
When something has the potential of setting precedent, birthing a movement and being reproduced as a prototype, we are no longer simply endorsing good brothers, good intentions and miracles. Doctrine and foundations will be built on these events. Teachings and paradigms for future ministries will be formed—in short, the next generation of the church and the move of God in the earth could be greatly impacted. This is why I stopped short of endorsing everything at Lakeland. Just as importantly, I could not ignore the “check”, the uneasiness, the sickening feeling deep in my spirit telling me something else was wrong—terribly wrong—in this situation. Like other leaders I tried to push past my uneasiness with the showmanship, the “bams,” the head butts and kneeing, along with certain experiences and doctrines, all in order to embrace the good. Like many of my friends I tried to be—and believe I was— gracious, accepting, ready to think “out of the box”, etc. But try as I may, the uneasiness in my spirit just wouldn’t leave.
Did I voice my concerns to the appropriate people? Yes, including stating my concerns for Todd’s marriage to the Lakeland Outpouring Apostolic Team. Did they listen? Some did, some didn’t. But I want to state emphatically, this is not an “I told you so” statement. In fact, much of what I want to address goes back several years into our charismatic Christian history. And I assure you that concerning our present weaknesses in the charismatic church, there is plenty of blame to go around. Personally, I’ve been right at times with my discernment and decisions, wrong at others. It would be worse than hypocritical for me to point the finger of accusation—I have no stones of judgment to throw. Nonetheless, mistakes were made and must be acknowledged and learned from in order for us to heal, grow and move forward.
Some of my closest friends endorsed and participated in the Lakeland meetings. For them I have both criticism—all of us lose credibility at this point if we’re not completely honest—and affirmation. Should they have been more discerning and have listened to the warnings they received? Obviously. Should those who “aligned” Todd with spiritual fathers (which was a good thing and positioned him to receive help if he chooses to accept it) have realized to do so publicly was a mistake and could be interpreted by those watching in no other way than as a complete endorsement? Yes, they should have, especially when the event became a commissioning ceremony, complete with decrees and prophecies of going to higher levels, predictions of Todd’s increasing world-wide influence and leading a world-wide revival, emphatic and prolific endorsements of his character, etc.
How could those watching believe the evening was anything but an aligning, endorsing and commissioning ceremony? It was. It really doesn’t matter who laid their hands on Todd—all share responsibility. This was unwise at best, naïve at least and at its worst, foolish. And should the leaders involved have realized that those of us connected to them relationally, ministerially, and as movements—some even in alignment with them apostolically and as sons and daughters—would feel minimalized, if not betrayed, by the fact that they were in essence taking us onto the stage with them? Yes. These feelings were 3 inevitable, especially when we had such uneasiness and asked them not to. Should there be an acknowledgment of these mistakes to the body of Christ for the sake of accountability and in order to rebuild trust? I believe so, and remain hopeful this will happen.
With such strong statements of disagreement, what is the affirmation toward my friends who led, participated in or endorsed this ceremony (and the meetings in general)? Simply stated, I know their hearts. It is not a contradiction of my criticisms toward some of their actions to, at the same time, defend and endorse their hearts and character. It is completely appropriate—when true—to defend a person’s heart and integrity while disagreeing with their actions. I think the blunder of that night was huge and very damaging to the body of Christ, but I also realize that in their hearts, those involved honestly felt they were doing the right things.
Again, while not defending the action taken, I would defend the character and integrity of Peter and Doris Wagner as vigorously as anyone I know, and do so with absolute confidence. There are no two people, and I mean that literally, who embody the qualities of humility, integrity, holiness (no compromise!), sacrifice, unselfish kingdom-thinking, the tireless giving of themselves to Christ’s cause and the body of Christ—and do I need to add risk-taking?—as much as Peter and Doris Wagner. It remains my great honor to be associated with them and call them a spiritual father and mother. And again, while not minimizing or “sweeping under the rug” any wrong decisions, I remain steadfast in my belief that similar affirmations could be made of others involved—either directly or indirectly—in the ceremony. And some of them still see their endorsing of Lakeland as an endorsement of revival generally, not of Todd personally.
The Bigger Picture
It may come as a surprise, however, that my real purpose in writing this is not to only state the above, as important as I believe saying it is. My primary purpose, and I believe my assignment from the Lord, is to identificationally repent on behalf of the leadership of the charismatic body of Christ (see Nehemiah 1:4- 7; Daniel 9:1-19). In doing so, I do not have a pompous, “no one else will, so I’ll do it” attitude, nor am I arrogant enough to think I have become the spokesperson for the charismatic church. But in the same way that I can identify with the racism of white predecessors and repent to blacks, Native Americans and other races, I can represent the leadership of the charismatic body of Christ and identificationally repent for our sins and weaknesses. I encourage leaders who find my statements true and appropriate to join me. Beyond the simple fact of it being appropriate, I firmly believe it is the only way to begin the process of rebuilding trust with those asked to follow us and to remove the cynicism of the world we ask to listen to us. As you know, regaining credibility is much more difficult than attaining credibility.
Concerning what I’m about to say, I don’t believe I have a critical spirit, nor do I want to diminish the sacrifices, faithfulness, and hard work done by so many in ministry. The fact remains, however, that we have failed the Lord and His people in many ways—not just with Lakeland but in countless other situations— and must repent if we are to be trusted in the future. And as you also know, no repentance is effective if watered down and couched in excuses, therefore, I intend to be brutally honest:
1) We, the leaders of the charismatic community, have operated in an extremely low level of discernment. Frankly, we often don’t even try to discern. We assume a person’s credibility based on gifts, charisma, the size of their ministry or church, whether they can prophesy or work a miracle, etc. (Miracles and signs are intended to validate God and His message, not the messenger; sometimes they validate the assignment of an individual, but never the person’s character, lifestyle or spiritual maturity.) We leaders in the Church have become no different than the world around us in our standards for measuring success and greatness. This has contributed to the body of Christ giving millions of dollars to undeserving individuals; it has allowed people living in sin to become influential leaders—even to lead movement, allowing them influence all the way to the White House. Through our lack of discernment we built their stages and gave them their platforms. We have been gullible beyond words—gullible leaders producing gullible sheep.
When a spiritual leader we’re connected with violates trust, is exposed for immorality or falls below other accepted standards of behavior, it does not exonerate us simply to say we don’t condone such behavior. Those we lead trust us to let them know whom to trust. We have failed them miserably in this regard. For this lack of discernment, and for employing and passing on inappropriate standards of judgment, I repent to the Lord and ask forgiveness of the body of Christ.
2) We, the leaders of the charismatic church, spin our involvement and fail to acknowledge our responsibility when other leaders fall—all of which stems from our self-preservation and pride. Enough of the spin—we’re no different than Washington, DC. Every time another embarrassing and disgraceful situation is exposed, the dancing begins. It seems that no one bears any real responsibility except the man or woman who actually commits sin. Incredibly, we even blame “revival” itself—the pressures, attacks, weariness, the “revival is messy” argument, etc., saying it is responsible for the failures. This is disgusting. Those of us on boards of fallen leaders, those who helped give them a voice, put them on TV, published and endorsed their books (yes, I have), etc., are not exonerated simply by saying we don’t condone the wrong behavior or that we didn’t know. We’re supposed to know.
I don’t believe anyone is expecting perfection from us—I know I’m not. We’re far too human for that. But we are expected to have enough humility to look the world and those who follow us in the eye when we miss it and say, “we were wrong and we are sorry.” Our careless accountability has caused the body of Christ to be spiritually raped and abused. It has produced disillusionment and brought immeasurable reproach to our God and cynicism to His message. Concerning Lakeland, what was called the “greatest revival since Azusa Street” has become possibly one of the greatest reproaches. We, the leaders of the charismatic church, are responsible.
For not accepting and acknowledging our responsibility, for caring more about our own reputation than Christ’s, I repent to God and ask forgiveness of the body of Christ.
3) Our procedures and standards of accountability are incredibly inadequate. We have provided camaraderie, not biblical accountability. For those on Todd Bentley’s board who had previous knowledge of his marriage problems and said nothing, it was more than a mistake—it was reckless, foolish, and irresponsible. For those on the stage the night of his aligning and commissioning who knew and said nothing—ditto. For those there who didn’t know, my question is, “why didn’t you?” You were trusted to know. That is one of the purposes of public commissioning and the purpose behind the concept of endorsement. I’m not trying to point the finger; I’m endeavoring to get us to be honest about our failures—we have serious credibility issues. Have I ever laid hands on, commissioned or endorsed anyone without adequately checking them out? Yes, but you better believe I’ll be more careful next time!
And we must not single out Lakeland. We’re all guilty. What about the leader in my city who ran with some of the leading spiritual fathers in our nation—sincere and good men, I might add, and not all “charismatic” leaders—who sang his praises and helped build his stage—all while he was doing drugs and having sex with other men? But we shouldn’t blame only the high profile cases—what about those of us who unknowingly have had adulterers on our staffs or appointed elders that turned out to have compromise in their life? Sounding familiar yet?
This is so epidemic that every member of the body of Christ stands guilty—what pastor or leader did you follow that turned out to have sin issues? What ministry did you support that was unworthy? There is plenty of blame to go around. The big question becomes not “who do we blame” but “how do we fix this mess?”
Leaders can live in sin—adultery, homosexuality, financial wrongdoing, drugs, etc.—for years without it being realized. They can offer completely unacceptable lifestyles for the body of Christ to follow and still keep their TV programs and lavish lifestyles. In the name of grace, compassion and forgiveness we have lowered the standard so much that often there isn’t one. We have bought into the lie that true discipline is “shooting our wounded.” We have made a mockery of biblical restoration, making “ministry”—not healthy individuals, marriages and families—its ultimate goal. The fact is, integrity matters. No, we don’t need legalistic, pharisaical standards, but we must have standards.
For this lack of biblical accountability, I repent to God and I ask forgiveness of the body of Christ.
4) We, the leaders of the charismatic church, have built on hype, sensation, innovation, programs, personality and charisma. This has produced: shallowness; false movements; novice leaders—gifted but immature and untested; a deficient understanding of God’s word; the building of man-centered rather than kingdom-centered churches and ministries; competition rather than cooperation; humanistic, selfcentered Christians who don’t understand sacrifice and commitment; Christians without discernment; superstar leaders; a perverted and powerless gospel; prayerless and anemic Christians; a replacement of the fear of the Lord with the fear of man; and a young generation that is cynical of it all. We are responsible, not the devil; he takes what we give him.
For this compromise in the way we build, for giving the Church watered down wine, commercial Christianity, a flashy but weak Church and hype disguised as anointing, I repent to God and ask forgiveness of the body of Christ.
Galatians 6:1-5 is an appropriate reference with which to end this statement: “Brethren, even if a man caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one shall bear his own load.” NAS
My passionate prayer is that God honors this repentance—I believe He led me to do it and therefore, will—and uses it to begin a process of cleansing and healing for all of us. In order for the coming great awakening to bear maximum fruit we must have both, as well as a course correction that sets us on a path of wisdom leading to life. There is no doubt that past moves of God have been aborted, ended prematurely and contained error or heresy that have wounded, if not destroyed, many. The healing revival of the 40’s and 50’s, the charismatic movement, discipleship movement and Jesus movement are all examples. My heart is to help shape a movement, the fruit of which will last for decades—better yet, forever. And I have great expectations for us—I am not a cynic.
My passionate prayer is also that Todd Bentley’s marriage survives and thrives…that he turns his heart fully toward Christ and toward those with whom he is aligned, and allows them, as God leads, to put him on a path of complete restoration. I thank God for those who were touched by the Holy Spirit at Lakeland and while watching it on God TV and the web. May we all move forward into all God has planned for us in this awesome season of endless possibility.
With great hope—Dutch Sheets

my heart melts

2008-08-18T23:33:00.002-04:00

In case you don't know, Elle is the cutest thing that has ever touched planet earth! just the other day she said dada to me when I walked into the house from work! She put her arms up for me to pick her up and she put her head on my shoulder and just kept it there. My heart has never melted like that. I love being a father. Yet it's also scary knowing this little girl will be watching everything I do and will compare everyone she meets to me....she may not know it but there will be no other like me! (I'm a Sewell)

God of Restoration, thank you Jesus!

2008-08-17T23:02:00.002-04:00

This is a great quote on the Todd Bentley situation. If you haven't heard he has decided to separate from his wife. I am all about restoration and i pray that God is able to use this time to truly show Himself to Todd. (notice, I didn't say the angel Emma show it self to him.) btw, did you know Emma is also the Buddhist overlord of hell?

"Todd has a chance now to be whole for the first time in his life and that is what we should all pray for. We should also pray for a miracle in his family and also for the charismatic church to walk in plumb line truth of God’s Word. We also pray for the church to rid themselves of the self pleasure pursuit of signs and wonders, and adrenaline rush experience, and instead pursue King Jesus and His righteousness in every aspect of our lives. As they die to self, and serve others, they will see signs and wonders follow their lifestyles of obedience while living in His presence."

by Robert Ricciardelli
http://www.vision2advance.com

This is an article by J. Lee Grady editor for Charisma Magazine. Usually not a big fan of the mag but this guy has been pretty good through this whole situation.

It was not supposed to end like this.

Evangelist Todd Bentley had heralded the Lakeland revival as the greatest Pentecostal outpouring since Azusa Street. From his stage in a gigantic tent in Florida, Bentley preached to thousands, bringing many of them to the stage for prayer. Many claimed to be healed of deafness, blindness, heart problems, depression and dozens of other conditions in the Lakeland services, which ran for more than 100 consecutive nights. Bentley announced confidently that dozens of people had been raised from the dead during the revival.

But this week, a few days after the Canadian preacher announced the end of his visits to Lakeland, he told his staff that his marriage is ending. Without blaming the pace of the revival for Bentley’s personal problems, his board released a public statement saying that he and his wife, Shonnah, are separating. The news shocked Bentley’s adoring fans and saddened those who have questioned his credibility since the Lakeland movement erupted in early April.

“Among those who jumped on the Lakeland bandwagon, discernment was discouraged. They were expected to swallow and follow. The message was clear: ‘This is God. Don’t question.’ ”

I’m sad. I’m disappointed. And I’m angry. Here are few of my many, many questions about this fiasco:

Why did so many people flock to Lakeland from around the world to rally behind an evangelist who had serious credibility issues from the beginning?

To put it bluntly, we’re just plain gullible.

From the first week of the Lakeland revival, many discerning Christians raised questions about Bentley’s beliefs and practices. They felt uneasy when he said he talked to an angel in his hotel room. They sensed something amiss when he wore a T-shirt with a skeleton on it. They wondered why a man of God would cover himself with tattoos. They were horrified when they heard him describe how he tackled a man and knocked his tooth out during prayer.

But among those who jumped on the Lakeland bandwagon, discernment was discouraged. They were expected to swallow and follow. The message was clear: “This is God. Don’t question.” So before we could all say, “Sheeka Boomba” (as Bentley often prayed from his pulpit), many people went home, prayed for people and shoved them to the floor with reckless abandon, Bentley-style.

I blame this lack of discernment, partly, on raw zeal for God. We’re spiritually hungry—which can be a good thing. But sometimes, hungry people will eat anything.

Many of us would rather watch a noisy demonstration of miracles, signs and wonders than have a quiet Bible study. Yet we are faced today with the sad reality that our untempered zeal is a sign of immaturity. Our adolescent craving for the wild and crazy makes us do stupid things. It’s way past time for us to grow up.

Why didn’t anyone in Lakeland denounce the favorable comments Bentley made about William Branham?

This one baffles me. Branham embraced horrible deception near the end of his ministry, before he died in 1965. He claimed that he was the reincarnation of Elijah—and his strange doctrines are still embraced by a cultlike following today. When Bentley announced to the world that the same angel that ushered in the 1950s healing revival had come to Lakeland, the entire audience should have run for the exits.

Why didn’t anyone correct this error from the pulpit? Godly leaders are supposed to protect the sheep from heresy, not spoon feed deception to them. Only God knows how far this poison traveled from Lakeland to take root elsewhere. May God forgive us for allowing His Word to be so flippantly contaminated.

A prominent Pentecostal evangelist called me this week after Bentley’s news hit the fan. He said to me: “I’m now convinced that a large segment of the charismatic church will follow the anti-Christ when he shows up because they have no discernment.” Ouch. Hopefully we’ll learn our lesson this time and apply the necessary caution when an imposter shows up.

Why did God TV tell people that “any criticism of Todd Bentley is demonic”?

This ridiculous statement was actually made on one of God TV’s pre-shows. In fact, the network’s hosts also warned listeners that if they listened to criticism of Bentley, they could lose their healings.

This is cultic manipulation at its worst. The Bible tells us that the Bereans were noble believers because they studied the Scriptures daily “to see whether these things were so” (Acts 17:11, NASB). Yet in the case of Lakeland, honest intellectual inquiry was viewed as a sign of weakness. People were expected to jump first and then open their eyes.

Just because we believe in the power of the Holy Spirit does not mean we check our brains at the church door. We are commanded to test the spirits. Jesus wants us to love Him with our hearts and our minds.

Because of the Lakeland scandal, there may be large numbers of people who feel they’ve been burned by Bentley. Some may give up on church and join the growing ranks of bitter, disenfranchised Christians. Others may suffer total spiritual shipwreck. This could have been avoided if leaders had been more vocal about their objections and urged people to evaluate spiritual experiences through the filter of God’s Word.

Why did a group of respected ministers lay hands on Bentley on June 23 and publicly ordain him? Did they know of his personal problems?

This controversial ceremony was organized by Peter Wagner, who felt that one of Bentley’s greatest needs was proper spiritual covering. He asked California pastors Che Ahn and Bill Johnson, along with Canadian pastor John Arnott, to lay hands on Bentley and bring him under their care.

Bentley certainly needs such covering. No one in ministry today should be out on their own, living in isolation without checks, balances and wise counsel. It was commendable that Wagner reached out to Bentley and that Bentley acknowledged his need for spiritual fathers by agreeing to submit to the process. The question remains, however, whether it was wise to commend Bentley during a televised commissioning service that at times seemed more like a king’s coronation.

In hindsight, we can all see that it would have been better to take Bentley into a back room and talk about his personal issues.

The Bible tells us that ordination of a minister is a sober responsibility. Paul wrote: “Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily and thereby share responsibility for the sins of others” (1 Tim. 5:22). We might be tempted to rush the process, but the apostle warned against fast-tracking ordination—and he said that those who commission a minister who is not ready for the job will bear some of the blame for his failures.

I trust that Wagner, Ahn, Johnson and Arnott didn’t know of Bentley’s problems before they ordained him. I am sure they are saddened by the events of this week and are reaching out to Bentley and his wife to promote healing and restoration. But I believe that they, along with Bentley and the owners of God TV, owe the body of Christ a forthright, public apology for thrusting Bentley’s ministry into the spotlight prematurely. (Perhaps such an apology should be aired on God TV.)

Can anything good come out of this?

That depends on how people respond. If the men assigned to oversee Bentley offer loving but firm correction, and if Bentley responds humbly to the process by stepping out of ministry for a season of rehabilitation, we could witness a healthy case of church discipline play out the way it is supposed to. If all those who were so eager to promote Bentley now rush just as fast to repent for their errors in judgment, then the rest of us could breathe a huge sigh of relief—and the credibility of our movement could be restored.

I still believe that God desires to visit our nation in supernatural power. I know He wants to heal multitudes, and I will continue praying for a healing revival to sweep across the United States. But we must contend for the genuine, not an imitation. True revival will be accompanied by brokenness, humility, reverence and repentance—not the arrogance, showmanship and empty hype that often was on display in Lakeland.

We are weathering an unprecedented season of moral failure and spiritual compromise in our nation today. I urge everyone in the charismatic world to pray for Bentley; his wife, Shonnah; his three young children; Bentley’s ministry staff; and the men and women who serve as his counselors and advisers. Let’s pray that God will turn this embarrassing debacle into an opportunity for miraculous restoration.

2008-08-15T19:47:00.000-04:00

this is a glimps of my father at a young age

just let the kids know

2008-08-06T00:36:00.002-04:00

wait a sec.

2008-07-28T22:03:00.003-04:00

So we found the best southern cooking restaurant, yes even better then the Outer Limits! It's call Zack's. The second time we went there I noticed their hours on the door. Do you notice what is wrong here?....I thought the week started with Sunday not Monday.

Welcome to Alabama Joel

little update

2008-07-28T21:11:00.012-04:00

We are finally settled in our home so that means I found my data cord for my camera so I now post more pics up of our life here in Dothan, AL.

So well start with little miss Elle. She is getting BIG! She is now picking herself up and walking around things. (Hanging on to things of course) She is now 9 and a half months. Of course she is just getting cutter and cutter. She is now saying DADA and MAMA and she said By By twice. She is adjusting pretty well so far. Being in a Hotel for almost 7 weeks didn't help much with it but thank God we had somewhere to live. We didn't pay for 6 of the weeks. I know your asking, "didn't you have a place to stay when you got there?" yes, we did, long story. Maybe if I know you and you call I might tell ya. Anyways some have been asking if I've turned to the other Tiger team...elle no! Still a Clemson fan, till death! Even Elle has mad her own decision to fallow Clemson as her one and only College team!

The church...Legacydothan

It's going very well right now. Still in the planning stages and will be for a while. We literally are adding people each time we meet! We meet bi-weekly right now with our leadership meetings on the opposite weeks. We've had some great discussions so far and are just now getting into some of the needy greedy! Many have been every intense meetings and they are just about to get even more intense! You can check out churchsquare.com/legacydothon to check out some of our stuff. (still in editing stage hence the churchsquare part.) That's the Smokers in the pic, they just moved here from Paschristianne, Mississippi. He we the youth pastor there for 8 years. They lost their home in Katrina. They left their dream home built buy friends and family and given to them for free, to be apart of Legacy...pretty cool! I hope I'd be about to do that.

Lowe's is going good so far. I have been sitting in front of a computer for the past 2 weeks doing online training. My eyes are starting to hurt! Tomorrow I get to drive to big fork lift and then get to be a cashier for the second half of the day..again, if anyone needs any type of appliance let me know..I get commission!

Well, that it for now... more to come...

got a home!

2008-07-19T11:19:00.002-04:00

On the same day I got a job we got a house! well, we got a rental house! No the less, it's ours! and we got it at a steal of a price! Let's just say it's way to big to be paying what we are paying! We move in next Tuesday, the 22nd.

i'm a workin man!

2008-07-19T02:27:00.003-04:00

Well I got a job! I am now the new sales guy in the appliances department at Lowe's! So, if you need a new fridge or washer and dryer give a call and I will order it for you! (I get commission, yes even if you live in a different state then I do)

great quote i heard

2008-07-15T23:48:00.003-04:00

“I work like an Arminian but sleep like a Calvinist.”Mark Driscol

Yes I know it's been a while since I wrote anything. It's coming, I promise! Quick update, I still don't have a job but I have another interview tommarow at 10:30 am with Wachovia. I have been doing odd jobs for cash, building a guarage, installing doors and windows, painting, etc. That's about it.

making me think

2008-06-12T12:24:00.007-04:00

so my dad had a good commit about my last one about the Lakeland, Fl. It was...

"...so just what are familiar spirits and what are their activities?" Well pops, I think its a good question! I didn't think about it but it makes complete since. Here are somethings I am going to be studying to find out. Maybe ya'll can help.

1. Scripturally where are familiar spirits explained?

2. (Since he claims he talked to Paul and he say Paul talked to Abraham) In the Bible, especially the new testament, did anyone appear to people after their death.

Off the top of my head it was Jesus....only Jesus, I think. To the disciples, to Paul, To John in Revelations but even the last two it was after Jesus rose again. hmmm...

36 days

2008-06-12T00:02:00.001-04:00

are you kidding me

2008-06-10T12:36:00.009-04:00

There has been a conversation that has been going on in the "spirit-filled" circles for a couple months now about this "Lakeland, Fl revival". Many of them aren't willing to talk about it in public for various reasons, not quenching the spirit, don't want to talk about "Gods anointed", "people are being healed so it must be ok" etc. Yet, so many people have said in private they don't have a good feeling about it. Well, I don't have a good feeling about either!

First, I want to say I BELIEVE IN THE GIFTS OF THE SPIRIT, healing, and prophecies, tounges etc. and I long to have them as a part of my everyday life.

Keep this verse in mind while reading or think about it when you go there, if you do.

Matt 24:24

24For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders, so as to lead astray, if possible, even the elect.

Rev. 22:18I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book,19and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

Here's why... (much is taken from Steve Wood, pastor at St. Andrew Church in Mt. Pleasant, SC. words in green are mine- Joel

1. An obsession with angels - as communicators of divine revelation, providers of divine provision, mediators of divine encounter.

2. Money - God's wants you to have money - lots of money - and God's wants you to give Todd Bentley money - lots of money. Bentley will teach you how to command the angels to retrieve money for you from the four corners of the wind. Here's an excerpt from one of his teachings ("Angelic Hosts")regarding this matter: "So when I need a financial breakthrough I don't just pray and ask God for my financial breakthrough. I go into intercession and become a partner with the angels by petitioning the Father for the angels that are assigned to getting me money: "Father, give me the angels in heaven right now that are assigned to get me money and wealth. And let those angels be released on my behalf. Let them go into the four corners of the earth and gather me money."

3. A preoccupation/obsession with personal spiritual experience.

4. A very poor grasp of contextualized biblical understanding. By this I mean he can proof text well, unfortunately, the Bible cannot mean today something it did not mean to the author nor the intended audience.

5. A manipulative use of people's desire for God and longing for intimacy as the doorway into hearts - touching on longings/feelings - and bypassing reason.6. Substantial employment of New Age/psychic terminology and practice.

Below, I've reprinted a download from Bentley's website an article he wrote describing but one of his encounters in the "Third Heaven" in which he has an interesting meeting with the Apostle Paul - who gives him extra-biblical revelation which Bentley now passes off as teaching. This would be funny if wasn't so theologically and biblically tragic. One of John Wimber's constant refrains was "eat the meat and spit out the bones." Sadly, I am finding no meat in Todd Bentley's ministry - flavorful fat (perhaps what Jesus and Paul spoke of when they warned of last days teachings) and lots of bones, but no meat.

You may find that there are things in here that you may agree with, I do on some. But keep in mind the 2 verses I recommended.

Bentley writes:
FRIENDSHIP WITH GOD PRECLUDES ANY FACE TO FACE ENCOUNTER

God highly esteems your friendship with Him. Not superficial friendship, but real, deep friendship—the kind forged through His fiery testings as well as His blessings. Look, even if you don't really understand the great shakings of God in your life but you are still determined to trust in His inherent goodness and great love for you, such devotion thrills His heart. With an attitude like that God can't help but be moved to commune with you on a deeper level, a level which is directly connected to the depth of intimacy you have with Him. Take Moses for example; ultimately his friendship with God was so rich that God didn't communicate with him like He did with most prophets in a vision or a dream, but He spoke "with him face to face, even plainly, and not in dark sayings" and "as a man speaks to his friend" (Num. 12:8; Ex. 33:11). In fact, face to face encounters with God like the one Moses had, only come after true friendship with Him. So keep that friendship principle in mind as we move on to examine more facets of the encounter I had with Paul in the Paradise of God (the third heaven). So here we go!

THE MESSAGE FOR THIS HOUR IS THE MESSAGE OF THE CROSS
Now, continuing from last week, after Paul "fed" me revelation he stressed that the beginning of First Corinthians Chapter Two contains the most important passage of scripture for the church in this hour because it's the message of the cross. "And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified" (vv. 1, 2).In fact, when you read First Corinthians Chapter Two, yes, Paul begins by preaching the cross, but he also speaks about the hidden mysteries and he ends with preaching about revelatory gifts and the deep things of God (vv. 7–16). Consequently he spoke to me about a supernatural faith, a supernatural gospel, and a supernatural experience. Paul said (paraphrase): "I was never just (only) a preacher of the gospel and I was never just a man of the gospel and salvation. I was a prophet of visions and revelations. I was a man of prophetic encounters and prophetic experiences. I was a man of the open heavens. I was a man that believed in the revelatory gift of the Spirit of God searching the deep things of God and revealing it to me. This is what the church needs and this is what God is doing today. The focus is going to be on a demonstration of the Holy Ghost in power. God has revealed these things to us by His spirit. We have the mind of Christ—a spirit of revelation searching the deep things of God." To summarize, Paul was saying that, above all, God is releasing the message of the cross, the gospel, in power (preaching and salvation), but not without hidden mysteries and not without revelation.

MORE WITH PAUL
After that, Paul took me to his house. (I was still in paradise [the third heaven]. His house wasn't a mansion. It was actually a small cabin. There was an open field and a forest there.) Inside his cabin I saw books wall to wall, and scrolls. I saw every book that's in the Bible as well as Paul's diaries/journals that covered things that had happened in his meetings, things God had spoken to him, and things he had written that aren't in the Bible. Paul said, "Not everything's in there, Todd. Not everything's in the Bible." WHAT!?!?!

Paul took down the book of Titus and he said, "You need to eat this." He explained that Titus was his apostolic son in the faith, and he said, "This is for the sons and daughters that you are raising up. I want you to get an impartation of what it really means to be an apostle, what it really means to have sons and daughters, and what it really means to be a son." Next he took down another scroll; this time it was Hebrews and he told me to eat it. This book is one of the most prophetic books in the Bible, and in that connection he told me something that I want to share with you even though I'm probably "stepping out" on theology now. First of all, I want you to understand that Paul always made it clear when he authored an epistle—"Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ" or "Paul, a bond-servant of Christ." Always! Yet, for the Book of Hebrews, although most Bible scholars believe that it was authored by Paul, there are those that really can't say it was him because the authorship is never clear. Paul told me why. Here is what he said to me. "Do you know why I know so much about Abraham?" [So much of Hebrews is based on other things that you just can't pull from in other scriptures.] Paul said, "When I was in the third heaven, Abraham was with me like you are with me now. Abraham himself shared (information) with me and I simply wrote it" (in the Book of Hebrews). "The authorship isn't clear because it was Abraham and I; Abraham shared the content with me." [Much of Hebrews is about Abraham; i.e. Hebrews Chapter 11.] He said (paraphrased): "Remember, when I was caught up into the third heaven, I heard inexpressible words. I actually spoke with Abraham, and Abraham shared details with me about what took place, about Melchizedek and all these things that only Abraham knew. I authored the book as the Holy Spirit moved on me, supernaturally. Some of what I wrote, I learned by talking to Abraham face to face when I visited him in heaven." That's what Paul told me.

It may baaa like a sheep and smell like a sheep but could very easily be a wolf!

1 week down 42,000,435 to go

2008-06-08T01:18:00.017-04:00

Today, Saturday June 7th has marked our first full week here in Dothan! Everything seems to be going pretty smooth! Tonight we had our first Prayer meeting with "the team" (minus 2 couples) present. I would say that all went well. We were able to finally put faces with names and meet new people as well. We had a great time of worship and prayer for the community. One thing that really impressed me was that we didn't just pray for "Legacy" but we prayed for all the churches in the "Wiregrass" Area (that's what they call Dothan and surrounding towns). I was glad to see that from the beginning we are not just focused on us. We understand that we are not THE ANSWER but we all have a part to play in the Kingdom of God. We will have our first service style meeting in two week. I am curious what will happen from now and then.

day 3

2008-06-05T00:16:00.003-04:00

Well, it's day 3 here in good ol Dothan! Today the temp. reached a high of 101! yeah, believe it...it's only June! I've been looking for a job now going on 3 days and... nothing...yet. So, be praying the right job opens up. Elle is starting to crawl..almost... now she is on all fours kinda rocking back and forth and skooting kinda and she is saying dadadadadadada so i am taking that as her first words! Nothing much really to update on yet. We meet for the first time to talk about things tomorrow. really excited about that! I'm ready to get started!

bama is now blessed, we are here!

2008-06-03T22:57:00.005-04:00

Well, just wanted to let everyone know we have made it to 'Bama! I will be writing more latter. Just a quick update...we are in the house and I looking for a job as we speak so be praying I find something that is good pay yet flexable! Ok, like I said more latter!

Decide for yourself

2008-04-23T11:16:00.002-04:00

"free pastor miles" aka pastor p

2008-04-23T10:59:00.002-04:00

This is a Vidio that an old frieds husband did in responce to Phil being convicted...pretty funny!

are you kidding me?

2008-04-21T14:53:00.007-04:00

well, if you haven't heard yet my pastor/boss man, Phillip Miles, was sentenced today for 3 years and 2 months in Russia. He was convicted of smuggling ammunition. He brought a box of bullets to a friend as a gift, who loves hunting as much as Philip. Did he bring them over with out declaring them? yes, and the Russian government has all right under there laws to prosecute how they please. One of there sayings is that ignorance doesn't excuse you from the law. As a christian i have to completely agree with that statement. (All i can say is thank God for mercy and forgiveness!) On the other hand my personal opinion is that I don't think he deserves this. With looking at all the facts and what his intent was with these bullets I don't see how they justify giving him more jail time. He has done nothing but good for the Russian people in all his travels there. He loves them and I know each year he can't wait to get back.
Honestly, I understand why they have held him there. Having live rounds in your bag going though an airport is not the smartest thing, especially post 9/11. We, South Carolina, did something similar in holding 2 Egyptian boys for transporting "bombs" (as I first heard it reported) across state borders. We held them for a while because we thought they were potential tarriest. It turns out they just had fireworks and wanted to have a fun night. So I understand wanting to be on the safe side.

Be praying for him. Like i tought the youth last Sunday, its ok to pray for our wants and desires (phil to be released) but we as Christians need to be able to step aside from our own desires and let Gods' will be done, wether we understand it or not.

There will be an apeal and Diplomatic efforts are being made on Pastor Phil's behalf. This is making National news now so be looking for it on your news station you watch.

what'd you say?

2008-03-10T09:25:00.003-04:00

Here are some good quotes I've run across the past couple days. I thought they were interesting and wanted to share them:

"Discernment is primarily a Spirit-empowered discipline of the mind rather than an emotional response." -Tim Challies

“If wealth alone were a sign of spirituality, then drug traffickers and crime bosses would be spiritual giants." Kennith Hagin Sr. -The Midis Touch (go figure that one!)

whoo hooo

2008-02-28T11:24:00.002-05:00

so this past month in youth has been pretty cool. We are taking every and any subject and using the Word of God to determine if they are wrong or write/ sin not sin. (Accourding the the BIBLE not culture or our parents, if parents say don't do it then don't your disobeying your parents and that is a sin.) We have dicussed things like the obviious, homosexuality, sex, smoking, geting drunk, etc. We have also talked about skinny dipping, music, and plastic sergery. Everyone is able to have an opionion, we can disagree and no one should feel as if they are looked down apon. Like we had this one person think that it was ok to be gay because "God created us to love and that is a form of love." She had all right to say that and believe that. At the end of that meeting i made sure she didn't feel condemed for saying what she said when we had a rebudel from other teens. (She didn't) Anyways I have been geting a little flack from some people saying I shouldn't cause I confuse the teens ( like when i say the Bible doesn't say drinking beer is wrong, or even smoking for that matter.) I want these teens to know what they know not becuase their parents or pastor tells them but because they know the Word says it and being guided by the Holy Spirit.

i say all this to say that we have had two teens start to come who were very up front that they didn't believe and were searching. One gave their heart to the Lord about a month ago and looks and acts like a differnt person and the other just bowed her knee last night at our worship servece!

Thats freakin awesome! see it just shows that "The Truth will set you free" Our teens have been awesome to them too. Alowing them to be them, being a great example to them and being themselves yet being a person that fallows the teachings of Christ!

i want to eat her!

2008-02-26T15:22:00.002-05:00

So, this is my new little girl. She is so beautiful! The other day I got the oppertunity to get up with her and be the first person she saw in the morning. It was so cool. you know that feeling your parents always said they had when we were first born? It hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked in, she was playing and just making noise. When i peeked over the crip she saw me and started laughing and talking, and kicking her legs. It almost looked like she was clapping her hands. It was really neat. I truely cant discribe how much I love her. Not more then Rhema, my first, not less...it's diffrent, in a good way.

ahahahahah

2008-02-26T15:19:00.002-05:00

have you ever had something you wanted to say but can't? That's how i feel right now. Their is sooooo much i want to say about my frustrations, concerns, and hurts that i just can't. So, pretend that I just wrote something really deep and insightful!

tweet tweet

2008-02-20T12:51:00.002-05:00

In case you haven’t heard my pastor is currently in jail in Russia. They're trying to bring charges of trafficking or smuggling. See he had this bight idea to bring bullets to a friend as a gift since they are both hunters. Long story short, he didn’t declare them and got caught with them by the Russians and now he is in jail. If found guilty he can be there for up to 7 years!

Yeah, so it’s been crazy. On one hand I feel sorry for the guy and definitely his family. on the other, "dude, what were you thinking?" As I told the youth, and Bishop Miles when he asked what I thought, all we can do is pray that mercy is given and if it isn't we can't be mad at the Russian government for fallowing through with the laws that they have in place. Some of the youth were upset and speaking against the Russian government then I reminded them that a couple months ago we (USA) did the same thing here in my state South Carolina. Highway Patrol picked up 2 Egyptian boys and said they were smuggling bombs across state lines. It turned out to be simply fireworks. We insisted on our government to holding them and tri them. Their parents and friend knew the truth but we didn’t. Same with us, we know Phillip but they don’t. So God, put mercy on the judges heart to let him go and allow these moments that Phil has alone be times that he can really search himself and give him great vision and passion to know you, not just do his job but know you.

something to thnk about...

2008-01-31T09:06:00.000-05:00

ok.. this is from a a blog that i read by an old teacher of mine in college. I do want to state that do not nesscerly agree with all points with reformed theology. I'm still on my journny of discovery. It's their (reformed) ability to stand on the Word no matter what, even when it seems contriverel and wrong to tipical "American/Charismatic" belief, that intreages me. Most of you know I have a very "Charismatic" back groud that, in my opinion, forgot to add the Bible into the equation of what they do. (Order in church, going crazy with tounges with many unbeliervers around, focused inward not outward, etc.) Alot of it was built on experence and not the entire Word. (I think you need both, the Word to explain what God can do in your life and the Word to explain what just happened in your life) I think this guy has a good idea of how it all works together...

taken from www.antagoniz.com

rgh 1-24-08

September 2007, Christianity Today Magazine did an article entitled, “Young, Restless, Reformed,” in which it documents the resurgence of Reformed Theology. CT interviewed charismatic Calvanist C. J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries and Joshua Harris, author of “I Kissed Dating Good-bye.” This is a must read for all charismatics. Personally, I am a non-cessationist who embraces Reformed Theology but not all five points of Calvanism. The journey from Arminian belief to Reformed Theology has been doctrinally refreshing in my own walk with Christ. Pursuit of the Holy Spirit’s supernatural gift endowments has only been enhanced by the richness of the Reformed Faith.

What do I mean when I refer to a Reformed Faith? As the Supreme authority, scripture is to be integrated into every sphere of society and culture, an exalted view of the sovereignty of God, a covenantal hermeneutic of scripture, a complementary posture toward law and gospel, the Church is the elect and true Israel, and focusing on the Kingdom of God as the ultimate issue of God’s redemptive purposes in the earth. These truths have enflamed my heart and fueled my passion for the exalted Christ!

Why is the Reformed Faith surging into the charismatic movement with such positive impact? Influential ministers like C.J. Mahaney http://www.sovereigngracehouston.org/faq.html#04, Joshua Harris, Mark Driscoll, and John Piper are advocating a “robust pursuit” of the Holy Spirit in the context of the supremacy of scripture. [I am loving it]. The blending of doctrinal substance with Holy Spirit encounter is bringing much needed maturity to a movement that is characterized by anti-intellectualism and chaotic Corinthianism.

See September 07 C T Magazine http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/september/42.32.html and th February 08 edition for the implications and ramifications that the Reformed Resurgence is having upon evangelical seminaries and churches.

Get straight in 2008 or you"ll be baked!

2008-01-02T09:14:00.000-05:00

yeah so i saw that on a church sign driving home yesterday. Half of me said "Man way to show the love and mercy to people who truly want to get their lives back on track" the other said "well... its true"

Anyways... It's a new year yet again and i am writing a blog about it like just about everyone else in the world who has one! Last time i wrote i said i was going to keep up with it again and the suddenly ***blop*** the baby was pushed out. There was so much i wanted to say but just didn't have the time, like the second time of year the church allows a heathen God to come in and practically be worshiped.(still going to write about that one..it ercks me too much!) I may even write about my little girl!

the queen has arived

2007-10-17T23:42:00.000-04:00

well in case you haven't heard, we had our second daughter monday morning at 4:59. she was 5.8lbs and 18in. blue eyes and dark brown hair. believe more is to come.

i'm bbbaaaacccckkkkk

2007-10-15T09:58:00.000-04:00

Welp, I'm back!! it's been a while but i am now out of my shell. This has been a great place to vent my frustration, concerns, ups, and downs and now that we have another little lady on her way, THIS WEEK, i am sure i will be up late at night with nothing else to do. i figure hay, get on here and tell everyone my thoughts and updates on my life. Like people really care, but still.

These boots are made for walkin'

2007-04-06T21:48:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone....

Valarie will be walking the March of Dimes on April 28, 2007 at Coastal Carolina.
You can check out her personalized "walk" page at www.walkamerica.org/val_gal1129
There, you will be able to stay updated on info and donate money online for the organization. We don't see ANY of the money....it goes directly to M.O.D. She is walking in honor of our princess Rhema.

Thanks for all you support!

2007-03-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

Photo and video editing at onetruemedia.com

anguish

2007-02-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

well its been 13 days sense my beautiful baby girl has passed away. I don't think I have ever been through so much heart ache in my life. I have been and not really over being mad at God. I have allowed myself to express every and any thought that comes to me, knowing the truth in my heart about God still, but being honest about how I feel toward Him. I mean seriously, why take my daughter, my first child, away? I have prayed sense I was 13, when I realized all first born in the previous generation of my family have died, that it would not happen to me. And it does! Why take my child away when i have dedicated my life to honor and worship You? Then if you have predestined(still studying to see what that really means) everything in this world to happen, it doesn't help with what going on.

There has been a lot of doubt come in. And whats bad is that some of it makes sense to me. Why pray? "obviously it doesn't work" is my first thought to that question. But I have seen it work so many times before. I've seen it change peoples lives. Its changed mine. This is what just came to me when I wrote that. How did Jesus teach us how to pray? "Your(God's) will be done" We prayed that God would heal Rhema, He did. Not in the way we perceive healing to be, though. What we said in our letter at Rhemas Service, the first time Rhema opened her eyes was to see her maker, God. She is more alive then we will ever be here on earth. Death is not a scary thing, for those underneath His covenant! Our goal is not to get there as fast as we can but when it happiness....! Yes, morn, be mad, be confused. But know "Rhema' is dwelling in the house of the Lord forever!"

the service

2007-01-30T01:38:00.000-05:00

go to http://www.myspace.com/rhemasservice to hear some of the service. Still trying to get the Pastors words up. The file is too big...

rhema, our little lady...

2007-01-30T00:00:00.000-05:00

This was written by Valarie and myself and read by Teressa Ross at Rhemas beautiful funeral.

There are so many questions we will never have the answers to, and there are so many things we just won’t know. But one thing we do know to be true is that our Princess Rhema was here for a reason; and the many lives she touched we may never know. We are so honored that we were allowed to be her mommy and daddy for the 12 precious weeks of her purpose-filled life. God let us have a wonderful taste of his overwhelming love in the person of our Little Lady Rhema.

Rhema Evangeline means “the proclaimer of Gods Word.” We could never have dreamed such a small package could fulfill that purpose in only 12 weeks. Words could never begin to express the journey we have been on with her. Carrying for nine months and delivering only to be told that your new born daughter will never see her first birthday. Thousands of people from all over the world began praying for Rhema along side of us for healing to her little body. We soon learned of the things Rhema had taught THEM and how she has brought them closer to God then ever before. With that, we have been so blessed.

I could never begin to tell you how often we prayed to God for Rhema and her health. How could He tell us it was time to start a family, only to take her away so soon? We didn’t care if she never opened her eyes or if she would never walk, we just wanted her. But His plans are bigger than ours! And even though He decided to take her home to be with Him, miracles still happened everyday in her life and ours. These were some of those miracles:

1. Doctors told us to enjoy the few days we would have with her, but we got to enjoy 12 beautiful weeks with her.
2. The nursery told us to only tube feed Rhema because they were afraid it would go into her lungs, but she was on a bottle ever since we brought her home. I can still hear the sucking noises she used to make; like she couldn’t get enough.
3. Rhema weighed 4lbs 6oz at birth and we were told she would never gain weight. She passed away weighing 7lbs 8oz!!! Our little Porker!
4. Doctors told us that they didn’t think our little Rhema had eyes when she was born, but to our surprise and theirs’ two beautiful blue eyes waited behind those precious lashes! And even though she never opened them up, she would pull her head back when we talked to her and raise her eyebrows just to listen.

So many miracles will forever be in our memory.

Our favorite times we shared with Rhema were simple, but memorable. We looked forward to bath time every night where we would cover her in bubbles and let her toes dangle in the warm water…all 11 of them. And then after bath time she seemed to wake up a bit more and play. It was at those times daddy would steal her away and dance with her….and now she is dancing with the Father…. I could hear her laughing with him in those precious moments. She only laughed with her daddy.

At times while I was pregnant with Rhema, fear would creep in, just not knowing what was going on inside of my tummy. I remember clearly the day God spoke to me- He said, “ The baby is not yours”. I remember saying back to him- “oh yes she is”. But something changed after that day. I knew no matter what that God was going to take care of everything. Shortly after Rhema was born I was reminded of that again. God quietly said to us, “she’s not yours”. And today we hear the same thing; that Rhema truly belongs to God. And even though it doesn’t make our hearts stop hurting, we will rest in knowing that one day we’ll understand. She is so beautiful and has won the victory that we all as believers yearn for…to see that face of God. And we are so overwhelmed to know that the first time her eyes ever opened, it was to see her creator.

The Bible tells us in II Samuel that David cried out and fasted for the healing of his own son. David’s son still died. And even though God did not heal him, David immediately picked himself up, washed himself and went to the temple to worship.
No matter the pain we face or the events that happen, we will NEVER stop worshiping God; because God is STILL sovereign.

“Father, you are so beautiful. There is non that compares to You. Who can take my brokenness and make something new? Only You. You are so beautiful. You will be our song for all eternity.' 'We are left in AWE of You.' God, hold us close. Show us your love and comfort. Bring us to a new place of intimacy with you. Allow Rhema’s life to continue to radiate your love. Surly Rhema is dwelling in the house of the Lord. Watch over her for us. Hold her close in your arms. Kiss her on her cheek and tell her that her daddy and mommy will always love her.”

2007-01-27T10:13:00.000-05:00

Rhema passed away last night at 11:15pm...

2007-01-20T13:17:00.001-05:00

can't makeup my mind

2007-01-09T01:01:00.000-05:00

hello world

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Superbaby!

2007-01-09T01:00:00.001-05:00

fly lady fly

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2007-01-08T23:45:00.000-05:00

well, its been a few weeks! Rhema is still here! Going on 10 weeks this friday! 9 more than what they said! We slept straight through the night last night together for the first time in 10 weeks! I got a FULL 6 hours! She is getting big, she is 6.4lbs and about 21in!
So how and I doing? Good qustion, thanks for asking. I am tired, tired spirituly. In the biggining Gods has been saying to us, look to His word(logos) and that His word is what will sustain us through this. Its been so true, His word has gotten us through the late nights and the not breathing for 3-4 min at a time. Its been His Word that His Spirit has brought comfort and times when I didnt feel the spirit I just knew what the Word said and believed. Its been His Word that we have used to battle with, battle doubt, confussion, and just stupid people. But not I am tired. I have been asking God, "what next". Through hearing and through conformation by others I believe he is say, "be still, listen, allow". just stop all my comotion in my mind and trying to figure things out. Just listen now, to his "Rhema" Word Let His spirit direct us to what He is doing. And simply allow him to do it. Be patiant and just allow Him.

2006-12-27T20:11:00.001-05:00

Yummy Fingers

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"oh my God"- Jars of Clay

2006-12-18T12:02:00.000-05:00

This helps with a lot of the thoughts and feelings I have had lately.

"...Sometimes I cannot forgive,

And these days, mercy cuts so deep.

If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep

While I lay, I dream we're better,

Scales were gone and faces light

When we wake, we hate our brother

We still move to hurt each other

Sometimes I can close my eyes,

And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,

What makes me so badly bent?

We all have a chance to murder

We all feel the need for wonder

We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder

Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven

All the times I thought to reach up

All the times I had to give

Babies underneath their beds

Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,

All the comforts of cathedrals

All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance

All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense

Oh my God

Oh my God"

rada tat tat

2006-12-16T00:06:00.000-05:00

Last night my dear wifie, in honor of miss Rhema, got her first tat! She got Rhema b/w her shoulder blades in greek. I was impressed, she did a great job sitting there and taking the pain. Only two of my fingers went numb from her squeezing them! No, its not crooked, in the pic it looks like it is because Val's shoulder is raised. You may as," when are you getting one Joel?'' good question. I made a goal for myself, I have to lose 20lbs before I get it. I have 17 left

baby blue eyes

2006-12-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

We had the optometry appointment down in Charleston SC Thursday and yes, she has eyes! Contrary to what the hospital told us! Not only does she have eyes, which is on thing that we have been praying for, but she has blue eyes! That is what we wanted and specifically prayed for! Even better is that the doc said is is defiantly responding to light! Don't know if she can see images and wont know for while but she does see something! He also said has she grows her eyes will grow and push her eyes lids then she will be able to open them herself! If they don't its a good indicator that her brain is one big lobe. No right of left side like we have. So lets continue to pray that they grow!

one more

2006-12-13T00:31:00.000-05:00

Well, it is going on week 6 and Rhema is still with us! We had another appointment today. It was the genetic counseling doctor. He just went over why this all happened. We did find out that it is full Trisomy 13 and that she has a %10 chance to live a year according to the doctor. It is also official that it was just a freak occurrence and that we are not carriers of the extra cromazone meaning that the likely hood of it happening again is less than %1! We have yet another appointment tomorrow in Charleston, this one is going to check to see if she has eyes and then to see if she can see. Depending on if she has them or the shape and size will determine how bad her neurological disorder is and how her brain developed. Her is usually how I would tell how I am feeling...well, I don't feel like sharing right now so look back maybe tomorrow.

o shidadapupada!!

2006-12-02T21:50:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was, well I don’t know how to explain it right now. It was the end of the night and the friends that were over were on their way out. Val noticed Rhema not breathing. It happens almost everyday now; all we have to do is stimulate her in different ways. Well this time Val couldn’t get back her self so she past her to me. At this time I have no clue what I am doing. So for the first time, I had to give my own one-month-old daughter mouth to mouth. How did I feel? I don’t know. I wasn’t afraid, as I thought I would have been. I think for the first time in my life Isaiah 41:10 was so prevalent. The message puts it ”Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” I was so focused, putting my fears and emotions aside. I have been to the bush of Africa with lions and daemon possessed people chase me, lived in the worse neighborhood in America in DC, been in an Airplane when the engines have cut off, and was attempted to be jump by a gang 7 guys, but nothing compares to giving my daughter mouth to mouth…. to be continued (because I’m still dealing with it.)

the teacher is in

2006-11-25T20:53:00.000-05:00

Just a quick little update: Rhema had her 2ed peds. appointment last Friday and it was good. Her jondis is gone and she has gained 6 oz and has grown 1 in. since leaving the hospital!

Many people have ask me why we did not take the blanket Anna got Hiddie Backer to pray over. First, Anna was very respectful and asked what I thought first and when I said no she was very understanding, so I commend her on doing that. As I told Anna, I completely accept and agree with the prayers of everyone when they speak the Word of God over Rhema and the same goes with Hidies prayers. Now others did not like the fact that I did this. There are three reasons why at this time why.

concering Acts 19:11-12
1. Can God move in that way? Yes, obviously because He did in the Bible. Is that how He always moves? No, if so I need to take mud and put it over Rhemas eyes because she’s blind (John 9) or if I want some water I need to go hit a rock (Exodus 17) or to go back to Africa I should just teleport there (acts 8). God can still do all this but it’s not the norm, that’s why Luke calls it an “unusual miracles” or "special" . In the Greek its “ou tugchano” literal translation is “not ordinary” Simply put the passage doesn’t provide a warrant for the practice as a formula for ministering divine healing. If it is then it should have been a handkerchief or apron, not a baby blanket.

2.I don’t think that God has to come on a blanket to heal her. "The blanket will heal her" from many many people. I don’t believe that, it will be the power of God that heals her Act 3:16! So many people in churches have to have something, a blanket for example, to believe that God will move. The very thing God has warned His children about at Mt Sinai, they had to have an idol to represent God. By the sound of it some are putting their hope in the blanket and not God. I know its not everyone but there are a lot.

3.Finally, a less spiritual reason, the blanket came from the nursery at a church that I am sure hundreds of babies have used. With Rhema’s disorder her immune system is not strong at all. Going to church today was an act of faith. I don’t know what is on the blanket and I am not will to wash it and try it.

I want to leave you with this: don’t interpret the Word of God with you experiences rather interpret your experiences with the Word of God, if you cant than its probably not God giving you the experience. A teacher of mine said once "the road to hell is lined with 'experiences' of 'Christians." Its bold to say but I like it!

the heart

2006-11-21T11:41:00.000-05:00

It is Nov. 21 and we just got back from the Peds Cardiologist in Florence. Its not bad news but its not great. She has what is call a Tetralogy of Fallot. In short its a hole in the right ventricle (pumps to the non oxygen blood to the lungs) which allows non-oxygen blood to enter the left ventricle (pumps oxygen rich blood to the . Is it fixable? yes, but like I put in my last post is it reasonable to have surgery on it if the out come is the same. "Why is it still the same if you can fix the biggest defect she has?" you ask. Good question, in short Trisomy 13 is a neurolacial disorder. So no matter how well her body is doing the part of her brain that tells us to breath will gradually stop working. We don't have to decide weather or not to fix it for another 6 months. So we have much time to pray. One day at a time is all we can do. Whats hard is simply wondering each time she stops breathing (at least twice a day,longer each time) is if this will be the last time. What is even harder is not putting any walls up around my heart and allow myself to bond with her more each day. If you know me you would know that if I know someone is going to die I slowly back away from the person so the pain wont be there. But that's not what I want to do here. I want to know that I was as close as I was able to get with her.

Dazzed and Confused

2006-11-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

As i sit here and just ponder on how I can go through the death of my child or should I say, the waiting of the death of my child. I have cried more than I ever have in my life and I mean truly weeping. ( I now know what it means to "tear my clothes" like David did.) I have gotten so angry at God and told him many times with words that most would be offend by. I have been so confused by everything from why this is happening to why I haven't cried in a week to should we do any treatment if the out come will ultimately be the same. Not really getting an answer for any of these questions. What truly confuses me is that through all of this I can honestly say that I had and have a true sense of Gods presence, His Spirit, there with me the entire time. Its not that "warm fuzzy""o, the Lord is with me, brother" feeling, its an understanding that God is here because His Word is here. Its His Word that is giving me strength through the exhaustion, to go on. Whats really confusing is the Scripture the is giving me comfort through this. Ps 116:12-" What can I give back to God for the blessings he’s poured out on me? I’ll lift high the cup of salvation—a toast to God! I’ll pray in the name of God; I’ll complete what I promised God I’d do, and I’ll do it together with his people." I really dont know why this is a comfort to me. I am sure I will understand soon or later. All I can do is sit back and let God control everything and let Him be glorified.

God "take this Soul, stranded in some skin and bones, and make it sing."

The New Dr.

2006-11-17T19:53:00.000-05:00

Today in Nov 17 and we just got back from our first doctors appointment. Since we were pretty frustrated with the hospital pediatricians so we decided to find another one. Well, it was a good decision. Nothing has changed in her condition but the doc it so much more knowledgeable about Rhema's disorder. The doc did see that her heart mermer is more than what was originally thought by the hospital docs. So we will be heading to McLoud Medical in Florence to get her heart checked out. Next will be an appointment will be the eye doctor because her eyes are fused together. We will wait see what happens to make our next move. Many people are asking "how should we pray for Rhema?" I say simply pray the word of God over Rhema. (get it, Word of God--Rhema, haha) no but seriously. Don't pray any, what I would call, "blind faith" prayers. Simply speak Gods promises over her, what He has said.

Why O Why

2006-11-16T17:08:00.001-05:00

Well, it is now Nov 12 and my new daughter is 11 days old! I would first of all like to thank everyone for their prayers and comments. I will attempt to explain what is going on with her. She was born with what is called Trisomy 13, meaning she has an extra chromazone on the 13th stran of her dna in almost every cell. It occurs in approximately 1 in 10,000 babys. Most of which die in utero. It is cased by eaither at fomation of the egg or sperm. There is not much known about this beacuse most babys %80 die within the first 7 days if they make it out of utero. So the fact that Rhema is still alive is a miricle itself! Most babys have major deformities on the in and out side. All Rhema has is an extra toe on her left foot, a clif palit and a small hole on her head where the skull didnt grow complete. We are unsure if she has eys due to her eye lids being fused shut for the time being but she reacts to light making us think she does have them. Most organs are not form compleaty but all Rhemas organs are grown and working great!Many people have come to us telling us "why God alowed this to happen". Some saying that we (the church) were not awake and listening for signs from God, we weren't praying enough, and even that somthing about because we werent praying enough for the obortion rate in america (didnt really understand that one). What I do know is that God is sovereinghn (1 Chronicles 29:11 and many more...) I prayed everyday for the wellbeing of my child (being the head of my home) as well as many others prayed everyday for the safty and health of my baby. I know that at the fall of man sin entered this world along with death Romans 5:12 which I believe has corroded our dna which thing such as Trisomy 13 and everything else happenens. I wise woman said this "If God came and told us to our face why we would still ask why." In the end, after what ever happens ( she is healed compleately, she is only alive for 4 years, or she goes in a week) God WILL be glorified in the end. God, Rhema is yours, you are in control, and I thank you for that. You make all things turn out to be good weather I think it is good or not, I hold to your Word that by Jesus' stripes we are healed, may you be glorified in my life with what ever happens.